Guidebook To Surviving A Horror Movie

In the movie Scream, Randy said "There are certain rules that one must abide by in order to successfully survive a horror movie".

The following is a compilation of rules that have been sent to me over the past few years.

ENJOY!

When it seems that you've killed the monster, never check to see if it's really dead.
If you find that your house is built upon or near a cemetery, was once a church used for black masses, had previous inhabitants who went mad orcommitted suicide or died in some horrible fashion or who performed necrophilia or satanic practices, move away immediately.
Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.
Do not search the basement, especially when the power has just gone out. If you choose to do so, take the damn flashlight not the candle!!!! It's gonna blow out!!!(thanks to Bud for that addon)
If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they do not know, or if they speak using a voice other than their own, shoot them atonce. It will save you a lot of grief in the long run. Note: it's unlikely they'll die easy, so be prepared.
When you have the benefit of numbers, never pair off or go it alone.
If the gang plans a fun midnight party in the town's old abandoned mansion, don't tag along. Especially don't tag along if everyone's going as couples,except you're the odd guy/gal out. And if you're the gang's jokester, you may as well write up your last will and testament while you're driving with them tothe place.
As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.
Never stand in, on, above, below, beside, or anywhere near a grave, tomb, crypt, mausoleum, or other domicile of the dead.
If you're searching for something which caused a noise and find out that it's just the cat, leave the room immediately if you value your life.
If appliances start operating by themselves, move out.
Do not take (or borrow) anything from the dead.
Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know what you are doing.
If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice, more if you are female. Also note that, although you are running and themonster is merely shambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you.
If your companions suddenly begin to exhibit uncharacteristic behavior such as hissing, fascination for blood, glowing eyes, increasing hairiness, and soon, get away from them as fast as possible.
Stay away from certain geographical locations, some of which are listed here: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Crystal Lake, Haddonfield(Donated by Matthew J.), any hotels such as the Bates and the Overlook (thanks to Nago1 for this oversight)
, Nilbog (God help you if you recognizethis one), the Bermuda Triangle, or any small town in Maine or Massachusetts.
If your car runs out of gas at night, do not go to the nearby deserted-looking house to phone for help.
Beware of strangers bearing tools such as chain saws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, combines, lawnmowers, butane torches,soldering irons, band saws, weed-whackers or any device made from deceased companions.
Listen closely to the soundtrack; and pay attention to the audience, since they are usually far more intelligent than you could ever hope to be.
Never, never, NEVER try to communicate with something icky because "there's so much we can learn from them".
Don't make fun of or play with dead things.
If you find a town which looks deserted, it's probably for a reason. Take the hint and stay away.
If a meteor strikes nearby, move out of town.
When something bad is chasing you, bear in mind that when you try to start your car, no matter how reliable the vehicle is normally, you'll have to crankthe engine over many times before it will fire up.
If you walk into the local abandoned-looking church to seek help or shelter, and you notice that the crucifix is mounted upside down, turn around and goback outside as quietly as possible.
When you happen to be one of the fortunate ones and actually make it through the film alive, never, NEVER sign on to do a sequel. If you do, expect todepart this world in the first five minutes.
Never have sex in the bunkbeds of recently renovated summer camps.
Strange lights are seldom harbingers of joy.
People arriving to rescue you generally get ambushed by the monster, so don't rely on them as your only means of escape. In fact, expect to be surprisedand delayed by encountering their flayed corpse at some point.
On no account do ANYTHING because someone dares you to.
If you realize that the people in your town/county are having their minds taken over by some strange force, alien or otherwise: DO NOT call the police asthey are A) either already taken over themselves and will turn you in or B) will not believe you and laugh at you. Either way, you must handle the problemyourself.
If a small band of children appear to be smarter then the adults that are around them, be cautious. If they stay together in a small, secretive group, anddisplay nothing but hostility towards their elders, authority, and the church, leave town at once. If you wish to stay, be as kind to the children as possible, butexpect to die anyways because you are inferior to them.
If you assist the villian of the film, do not expect gratitude in exchange for your services. In fact, do not expect anything other then death, which will comein the final minutes of the film and usually over the girl you have become attracted to, but the villian wants as their own.
If any animals, such as Birds, Pirahna, Spiders, etc. begin to exhibit behavior that seems a bit more hostile towards mankind than normal, immediately callin the authorities, get out of that town, and do not try to talk to any scientist who specializes in that animal (ornithologists and the like) for they will not believeyou.
Whatever you do, DO NOT keep pets such as cats, dogs, hamsters, or anything cuddly. If you must, do not let them out of your sight for so much as asecond.
When you land on a distant planet and find some objects that look like eggs, leave them alone.
When one of your spaceship's crew finds a hideous parasite attached to his body (as a result of disobeying the previous rule), don't let him back on theship. The guy's dogmeat anyway.
When a hideous alien menace is hunting you (as a result of disobeying the previous two rules) never wander off alone to hunt for the ship's cat.
Never, EVER go in/out there (There being the attic, closet, barn, basement, dark alley, dark anywhere else, the all-concealing shadows, the woods or thelake)
If someone who seems important tells you to do or NOT do something (like DON'T fall asleep, DON'T leave me, DON'T look for thehomicidal-chainsaw-wielding-psychopath by yourself) by all means, listen to them, unless doing so would break another of the guidelines.
If you manage to lose a few body parts along the way, don't despair. Take this opportunity to replace them with weapons, such as chainsaws, harpoons,etc.
If you are using a gun to combat the all-comsuming evil, it is a good idea to quickly find a new means of defense, because no matter how much ammo youhave, you'll run out just before you kill the monster (unless your name is Ash, in which case, you'll never have to reload)
If you are wounded by flesh-eating zombies, aboandon all hope, because sooner or later, no matter how many anti-biotics you take, yer gonna become oneof 'em.
If you're the the last main character left, and a bunch of people are hunting the monster/monsters DON'T stand out in the open, because you willimmediately be mistaken for a/the monster.
Don't open the closed door, especially if you hear scratching, heavy breathing, or any other strange noises from the other side.
DO NOT go into the dark room.
If you're a male, get out of there as fast as possible! The only one who ever survives is a female.
While in a horror film, never bathe, especially when in the house alone.
In terms of weaponry and general equipment for fighting the monster, never rely on any tool more complicated than a pointed stick. Generators willinexplicably run out of power, just as the nasty space-vegetable climbs onto your jury rigged electrical grid. Just when you've got the ghoul lined up in yoursights, your gun will invariably jam.
If you are a female, never show your breasts, easy women are expendable.
Never camp or build homes on Indian burial grounds.
Ask why the estate is being sold so cheap.
If the phone lines are dead, and you hear footsteps upstairs, when you're supposed to be alone, don't follow the noises to see who your "guest" is.LEAVE IMMEDIATELY. Unless you want to die!!
Never pick up the phone and call for help, chances are your phone will be dead and the next thing you'll see is the monster swinging some sort of sharpobject.
If you have defeated the monster, pay close attention to the camera, if it pans away for no apparent reason at all, get the heck out of there.
If the Master does not approve, neither do you.
Never handle the rat-monkey cage.
Your dog can take care of itself..
So can your spouse...
And your kids.
Self-sacrifice is a bad idea, as the person you saved will usually die anyway.
Skeptics are always proved wrong in some horrible, nasty, painful way. Be a believer.
If you're not a main character, suicide is a quicker and easier way out.
Your plan takes into account all possible situations...except for the one that actually occurs.
Don't be a smart-ass. It'll only get you killed.
When you have actually gotten a monster down on the ground with your gun, immediately empty all your shots in the mosnters' head.
Never be present immediately before, during, or anytime after a successful demon/devil/monster summoning.
People driven by veangance always die.
Mentioning any goals in life, anything to look forward to, or any loved ones will get you killed.
Never, under any circumstances, go to summer camp.
Puzzle boxes are hard to solve for a reason.
Feel no guilt.
If you throw away some possession of yours (antique dolls and ventriloquist's dummies in particular), and you find it again in your house/car/pockets/etc.move to another country IMMEDIATELY! Of course, it WILL be waiting for you in the car as you go to leave.
If you try to run away, always take the bus. If you take a car the monster will be in it. Cabbies are always demonically possessed. Monsters will destroyany plane/boat you try to take. And you have to go through dark, underground stations to get on a subway.
If you are a child, don't panic! Monsters only attack overly horny teenagers. Children can NOT be killed in a movie, only possessed or absorbed. So cheerup!
If you see a loved one you know to be dead, RUN AWAY! Many people will ignore this bit of common sense, but remember: you can always buy a newpet, always have more kids, and always get a new spouse/S.O.
If you're being chased by a monster and you think it's behind you, chances are it will appear in front of you (and if you're a girl, this will happen rightafter you trip and fall, and then stand up and look behind you).
If you've beaten the monster into a bloody pulp and you're sure he must be dead, take the opportunity to dismember, burn, eat, blow up or otherwisedestroy him.
If you're being chased by a monster and you find one of your friends and they ask "what's wrong?", don't stop and try to explain. Just tell them to run asyou go by. If they're really your friend they'll follow. If not - that's their tough luck.
If you should easily enter a home that you've either heard a scream from or there is no sign of life when there should be, do not be surprised to find that allmeans of escape (i.e. doors, windows, etc.) will be locked, effectively allowing the monster to come within a gnat's hair to you.
If you should run across one of the escape routes from the previous rule that is made of glass, DO NOT waste time pounding on it. Breaking it wouldprove to be a better course of action. (Remember, a cut-up hand is better than a chest wound.)
If you are a good dog you have a 50-50 chance of survival. Good dogs will only die if they stand up to the monster in defense of their master. Bite thehand that feeds you and run away!
If you are a bad dog (bad dog!), you WILL be dead by the movie's end. Therefore, kill all people you encounter, except for your ex-master, whom youfeel strangely compelled to avoid.
If you're a cat, just hide your head and pray that the monsters won't eat you, the Catholic Inquisitors won't burn you as a witch's familiar, and/or thehorny teen-age guys don't throw you over the edge of a cliff to see if you land on your feet.
If you're a bird, CONGRATULATIONS! Your people will triumph and rule all in the end (or you might at least escape your $%^& cage!).
If you are even somewhat religious, BECOME AN ATHEIST IMMEDIATELY! Otherwise, monsters will invariably seek you out, gloat in defiance of"your weak faith," and say mean things about your deity.
Whenever a strange weapon is presented (e.g. a harpoon gun, flare gun, can opener, etc.) TAKE IT! If you don't, the monster will, and sooner or later theweapon WILL BE USED! Better you use it then the monster.
If you find a lot of dead people running around making zombies out of the living, kill yourself IMMEDIATELY! There is no happiness to be found whenyou're being eaten alive.
A single monster can never be killed. Multiple monsters can never be driven to extinction. Therefore, try to get one kind to go after the other.
When you fight a monster use fire, electricity or acid whenever possible. Prefferably use all of the above. And an atom bomb.
ALL atomic weapons cause normal creatures to grow huge and carnivorous. As do all chemical and germ weapons.
ALL genetic experiments will create humanoid mutants (whether or not human/primate DNA is used) with BIG teeth and claws, and a tough hideimpervious to bullets. NEVER play god and try your hand at gene-splicing!
Always make eye shots whenever possible as all mosters ignore chest/limb attacks. If you hit the eye the monster will be blinded for a while (maybe ...and if you're reaaalll lucky... and if the creature even has any eyes to shoot in the first place).
Never, ever, ever say you will be right back because you won't be! (Donated by Cheri Williams)
If you go to a little town and the people are foaming at the mouth, leave at once! (Donated By Lilith Hati)
Women in horror movies never wear bras. If you're a woman in a horror movie, don't bother with the bra. Actually, men, please refrain from
wearing bras also.. (Donated by Maggie)
If you're making a sequel, remember, the death count is always higher. (Donated by Maggie)
Always listen to the bike-riding town loonie who tells you that you're doomed. (Donated by Maggie)
If being chased by a phsyco killer never ever run up the stairs because you won't make proceed through one of the doors to get help (Donated by Sykrunn621)
If there's ever any question that your significant other might be the killer, don't wonder. They are!
NOTE: This rule only applies if another character does not have a crush on you. (Donated by Katherine Williams)
If you are ever a new character in a set of sequels, you made a bad career choice. This particularly applies if the main character is a haunted young woman obsessed with some one named Freddy, Jason, Michael, Norman, Leatherface, or Pinhead. (Donated by Katherine Williams)
If you ever learn that your parents have assisted in the killing of any serial killer, rapist, etc... disown them and move far away quickly.(Donated by Katherine Williams)
If you are running from anyone/thing and you encounter a locked door, DO NOT TRY TO OPEN IT! Instead run on to the next available door or window. (Donated by Katherine Williams)
If you ever find yourself in a secluded house and you start recieving strange phone calls, get in the car and leave.
NOTE: Babysitters should keanly observe this rule.(Donated by Katherine Williams)
Never sign on to be the bad guys henchman. Even if he survives the hero/in will inevitably manage to knock you off. (Donated by Katherine Williams)
If you ever realize the calendar says October 31st, of the 13th of any month, and it's Friday, hide in the closet for at least a week. (Donated by Katherine Williams)
Never, Ever, Ever, walk backwards in a horror movie. The killer will always appear behind you. (Donated by Katherine Williams)
Never have sex, it's a death wish. (Donated by Quequeg007@aol.com)
Never drink beer or do alchohol or any other form of drugs, a death omen. (Donated by Quequeg007@aol.com)
Never put make-up on a Good Guy doll. (Donated by Scully0219)
If you hear a strange noise and a friend suddenly vanishes, expect to die pretty damn quick! ! (Donated by Rickh1@hotmail.com)
If you are with a bunch of people always stay together. If you go somewhere alone you are sure to get picked off. (Donated by Matt Fitzgerald)
If you're black or overweight, expect to die by the last third of the movie.(Donated by Sailor Earth)
When buying your child a toy that requires batteries to run, make sure said toy actually has batteries in it when it starts working. (Donated by Terry)
Stay a virgin if you want to live. (Donated by Sue and Jill)
If you even THINK your adopted child might be the son of a jackel or other non-human animal, dispose of him immediatley. Yeah, I'm talking to you, Gregory Peck....... (Donated by Maggie)
Never cry over the deceased, you become an easy target to the killer or if the dead body turns into a demon or zombie it will kill you. (Donated by Kirwin)
If you ever find yourself in a town full of zombies, find the nearest black guy around. For some odd reason, black males tend to know how to deal with zombies. (Donated by Robert Mahoney)
If you find that your parents killed the psycho killer years ago, expect the killer to come and kill you. (Donated by Kirwin)
If you find there is a curse on your family, disown them, change your name, and move away immedieately! (Donated by Kirwin)
Don't be the big, tough jock, they always die. (Donated by Kirwin)
Always believe the killer when he tells you how he's going to kill you. (Donated by Kirwin)
Never disobey any of these rules or take them as jokes. (Donated by Kirwin)
Always listen to the old people that sound crazy. (Donated by Kirwin)
If someone that was a demon says they're ok, even if they look ok,(unless their name is Ash) they're not, so kill them quick! (Donated by Kirwin)
If someone starts turning their head 360 degrees or more, call a priest. (Donated by Kirwin)
If you suspect someone has turned to witchcraft, become their friend. (Donated by Kirwin)
Never join the bloodthirsty mob, it's only an adrenaline rush and it'll wear off, then the mob will be killed. (Donated by Kirwin)
Never give a Leprechaun his gold coins back to save your life, he'll just get more powerful and kill you anyway. (Donated by Kirwin)
Only females can really kick the killers ass so if you're a guy just get the hell outta there! (Donated by Kirwin)
Never use a Ouija board. (Donated by SAMHAIN)
If you buy a fuzzy little animal and it has certain rules to follow to care for it, follow the rules!
Never hesitate to kill the killer, it'll only get your killed. (Donated by Kirwin)
If the killer is wounded, always hit the wound, it's much more painful and easier than trying to make new wounds. (Donated by Kirwin)
When buying a new house, always get a priest to bless it. (Donated by Kirwin)
Always check the history of a house before buying it, in case it was built on a cemetary or something. (Donated by Kirwin)
Never Yell At The Screen Because They Can't Hear You. (Donated by Dash Ray)
If you have a chance to get the weapon, take it and run! (Donated by Kirwin)
If you open a door to check a room, the killer will always be standing behind the door when you close it. (Donated by Kirwin)
If your child starts to sing 1,2 Freddy's coming for you and has knives taped to his 4 fingers its time to put him up for adoption. (Donated by Anders Olson)
If your loved one looks like a monster but all of the sudden doesn't don't beleive it because if you do you are bound to die. (Donated by Anonymous)
If your daughter starts to bounce out of her bed do go to the doctor they will tell you it was a musle spazum, so go to a preist instead. (Donated by Jonathan Swift)
If you are female, never get all dressed up and go into the woods to look for someone because, chances are, you'll find his/her dead body, scream, attract the killer's attention \ and get killed in some gruesome way. (Donated by Mykee)
Never say your wishes to strangers! (Donated by Andrey Chairman)
NEVER, EVER RUN UP TO THE KILLER! REMEMBER ALL OF THE FRIDAY THE 13TH'S, NEVER RUN UP TO THEM! U WILL DIE. (Donated by Sara)
Never say drinking will kill you if you're a drunk, or you'll get stabbed with your own bottle (same with smoking or drugs) (Donated by LordWaKa)
When running away from a serial killer in a large forest, always make sure your shoelaces are tied and you dont trip on a branch. (Donated by HellKorn)
If you are running away from a killer, never run into a secluded area like a houe or a hospitol, because the killer can get to you.(Donated by Anonymous)
If the killer is wearing a mask and looks dead, don't try to pull it off. (Donated by Adam)
If you knock the killer out never go to the other room to to get somebody because when you come back he will be gone. (Donated by Alex Clark)
If you're in a public place (Parade, Movie theatre, party, etc.) and you see someone in the process of being sliced and diced. Do not stand around and watch helplessly. Either offer help or get the hell out of there. Either/Or, but make a choice. (Donated by Cloud)
Never demonstrate proficiency with firearms, martial arts, or any other form of self-defense. When the killing starts, you'll get hit from behind. (Donated by Phil)
Never drink the worm out of the tequila if you suspect your house may be occupied by a poltergeist. (Donated by Gary Delempsy)
Don't try to be the hero it will get you nowhere. (Donated by Iciee)
Don't tease or make fun of a monster! (Donated by Iciee)
When you're talking about a murder and someone is looking at you, RUN! (Donated by Jtm3k@aol.com)
If you have the option of running upstairs or outside to avoid a possible sticky encounter that might leave you trapped always pick outside. (Donated by christie james)
Never undress in front of a window. (Donated by Brian)
Never be the fat kid in a horror film, if you are, i suggest you get on the damn phone and call 1-900-jenny. If you have a dog, dont even bother to name it cause its gonna die in a few minutes anyway. (Donated by Charlie)
Never under any reason let someone put you to sleep in a movie it is bad news. (Donated by Ghostface)
If your kid ever talks to there dolls and says they are after people belive them. (Donated by Ghostface)
Don't ever say whose there......(Donated by Ghostface)
If you are dreaming that you are driving and you see the killer in the middle of the street, don't try to run him down, you will just wake up and notice that you hit a tree. (Donated by Raven Ashe)
If people start getting killed, find the biggest, most open field youu can and sit in the middle of it with a cooler of beer and a shotgun. (Donated by Casey Foster)
If your ever caught trying to run away from the "bad guy" in the woods. QUIT RUNNING!! You'll end up tripping and the "bad guy" will get ya. Go and climb a tree!! (Donated by Ready Freddy 11)
Well, don't like wait until everyone's dead to kill the killer. (Donated by Matthew Perez)
If a child likes you and you're at least five years older than them LEAVE town IMMEDEATLY!!!! (Donated by wargod)
Never run upstairs when you can run outside through the front door. (Donated by Chase Warren)
Never become a toymaker, you'll only end up making a doll that gets possessed by a serial killer or you'll make a puzzle box that opens up a gateway to hell. (Donated by Arten Rose)
Under no circumstances should you get up for a snack or drink after sex. When you return, your significant other will not be as you left him/her. Also, if you are the partner left, get the hell out of the room IMMEDIATELY! (Donated by Phil B)
If you take a trip to Texas, never and I mean never stop at a gas station called Last Chance Gas. (Donated by Wes Wheeler)
Don't eat barbecue that has been cooked by a family with the last name of Sawyers. (Donated by Wes Wheeler)
Never go in the old micheal myers house or in the camp crystal forest and don't go to sleep when you live on elm street drink lots of caffeine or expect to die. (Donated by Micheal Myers)
As a general rule, stay off of dimly lit, poorly made space rigs (especially if the people in the ships visual log are pulling out their own eyes) (Donated by Crystal)
If your child has 666 carved in his scalp, stab him with a holy dagger(I know it's hard but it's 4 your own benifit and Gregory Peck's. (Donated by Sparticus69)
Never lose your virginity DURING THE FILM(Scream was a exception) (Donated by Sparicus69)
If and when you have killed the killer/or monster,do not stand over him/her and gloat or linger over the body,when he/she looks as if he is dead,take out their heart and cut of their head in order to assure no more appearances of the killer/monster. (Donated by Matt Bartholomew)
Any Time Your In A Horror Movie, And You Start To Hear Suspenseful Music, Get The Heck Out Of There! Or Better Yet, Kill Yourself. It Will Save You The Torture Of Being Slaughtered.(unless your a female virgin, in wich case don't worry you can't die) (Donated by Justin Lindsay)
Never try to buy a voodoo doll.It'll kill somebody. Better yet. Don't do voodoo (Donated by Chris Genge)
If you have a shotgun or some other big gun and your shooting a monster and it has no effect on it, don't just whip out a tiny pistol and start shooting at it! RUN, you IDIOT!!!!!! (Donated by Chris Vegvary)
Never hide in the least suspected places because the killer will still find you. (Donated by Cliff)
If normal household items (tables, chairs, etc.) start moving across the room on their own, MOVE IMMEDIATELY! (Donated by Amber)
If you see a dead body Do Not Scream it will only get you killed next! (Donated by beebayb)
Never ever try to hide from the monster. If you do, your dead. (Donated by Shaun Small)
If someone/something you love dies don't bury it in the graveyard as it will come back meaner and nastier and eventually hunt you down and kill you. (pet sematary) (Donated by smitty)
Never be the villain. The villain will usually die in the end! (Donated by harpfrmhel)
If the doctor in your town giggles alot,don't go to him when your sick. (Donated by harpfrmhel)
If you se someone chasing you with a knife,run as fast as you can!!! (Donated by harpfrmhel)
Always carry essential life saving items such as a wooden stake, a gun loaded with silver bullets, a cross, a torch, a chainsaw, a sawed-off shotgun...and remember:NEVER RUN FROM THE KILLER, KICK HIS ASS! (Donated by Gothwell)
Power tools are good weapons. (Donated by Goatman)
Never be the asshole in amovie, or you can write your will now! (Donated by Unholydemon)
Always listen to crazy old men who say the area is cursed. You will save yourself some trouble! (Donated by Unholydemon)
If you find that your friend has something weird on his or her face, leave it there. (Donated by Shawn Bynumem thetre)
NEVER EVER BE FEARFULL BECAUSE REMEMBER THEY ALL LIVE ON FEAR. (Donated by ALLEN TITINIK)
Even though you are muscular don't expect to kill Freddy. (Donated by Razorblade12)
Cut out all your lights. (Donated by Jamie Hull)
Never lock doors and stand in a corner...the killer can trap and kill you. (Donated by Tisha)
Even though you lift weights and work out you can not kill a dream. (Donated by Razorblade12)
Children can die in horror movies, A Nightmare On Elm Street Freddy Krueger was a child killer. Sleepaway Camp, the first one, the kids were like 14 or 15 (Donated by Leatherface_TCM_)
If you get a strange phone call, from a strange person, do not LOCK the door! It will probaly be your only way out. Besides, the killer probaly knows the door is locked anyway. (Donated by Freddy the 13th!)
If you're hiding in a closet from a psycho-maniac, don't scream (halloween). (Donated by Brandon)
Once you have killed the bad guy DO NOT drop the weapon you have just used, no matter how shaged out you are, because the bad guy is bound to come back to life and use it to kill you! (Donated by Pauli)
Never try to box the killer, even if you are good. Despite the killer's lack of ringtime, he will always have more skills than you. (Donated by Manny)
IF your parents kill a monster and you move away in disownment, take ALL your pictures with you. If you don't, the killer will see your face, hunt you down and rip your face off. (Donated by japee_yopee.)
If you send the monster to hell do it right chances are the monster comes after you 30 yrs laster (Donated by Gizza)
Always remain a virgin. No matter how tempting it is because sooner or later you will die. (Donated by Dash)
If your girlfriend is a hot cheerleader dump her for the weird chick that nobody likes.(The cheerleader will only take you down with her, stick with the freak until half you're friends are dead, then RUN, you're a guy remeber) (Donated by Bloody Corpse)
Say it's a full moon out and you and a friend are walking around, sitting down, standing or whatever. He/She starts turning into a werewolf... slowly. Please... DON'T JUST STAND THERE AND WATCH UNLESS YOU PLAN TO HAVE YOUR HEAD TWISTED OFF AND SPIKED ON THE FLOOR/GROUND. Just RUN, YOU IDIOT, RUN! (Donated by Chris Vegvary)
If you know your son is dead and you decide to bring him back from the dead either prepare for a high death count or kill him yourself. Or better yet let the dea res in peace. (Donated by dash)